


A Soaked Spider

by Zemekiss



Category: Marvel, Marvel (Comics), Spider-Man (Comicverse)
Genre: Angst and Humor, Gen, Humor, Light-Hearted
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-06
Updated: 2013-02-06
Packaged: 2017-11-28 11:08:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/673720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zemekiss/pseuds/Zemekiss
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spider-man experiences yet another glamourous night in the life of a super-hero as his stakeout on a rooftop on a cold and rainy evening gets interrupted by some familiar faces.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Soaked Spider

Peter Parker, the Amazing Spider-Man, squatted on the edge of the rooftop. It was dark and it was raining. No one ever talked about the rain when it came to patrolling the city streets.

Swinging through the skyscrapers of New York city, free as bird, was normally great. The feeling of the wind rushing past your head as you swung from building to building; passed the pedestrians scurrying to make each walk signal; passed all the motorists trapped in the gridlock; passed the hot-dog vendors calling out for their next sale; was a feeling of pure joy. Aside from the occasional mid-air collision with a bird or flying rodent, web-swinging was one of the greatest gifts that had come as side effect of being bitten by a radioactive spider.

Except when it rained. When it rained the spandex soaked up the water like a sponge. It started to sag in inconvenient places. It clung in others. The mask's lenses fogged on the inside and were covered in droplets on the outside. If it weren't for his erstwhile spider sense he wouldn't have been able to tell where the edge of the roof was. He'd thought about making a rubber suit for these sorts of occasions, but that stuff didn't breath, and he already got enough strange looks for his costume on a daily basis.

Usually this wasn't a problem. New York city's micro-climate kept the weather fairly regular and the rain predictable, if you knew what you were looking for. It was just a matter of scheduling your day around it. Criminals were normally almost as rain-adverse as your average tourist. Muggers couldn't find any victims, arsonists couldn't even get a match to light, and it was just unpleasant trying to move stolen goods when water was coming down around your ears. People only went outside if they were paid for it, had no other choice or were masochists.

“So which am I?” muttered Peter, as another droplet skidded down his nose. “Not getting paid, here of my own volition, so I'm guessing it must be number 3.”

And with that, he sneezed. Never a fun prospect when wearing a full face mask.

Word on the street was that his old friends, the Enforcers, a trio of ruffians consisting of Fancy Dan (the miniature martial artist), Montana (the lasso-wielding lothario) and Ox (the... well... Ox) were planning on breaking into the Diamond Carrot, a downmarket jewelers that, if rumours held true, had just received a noticeably more upscale shipment of gems than usual.

The problem was, he had no idea if any of this was true. Last he heard was that Fancy Dan and Montanan had been killed in some bad business with the Kingpin of Crime. That said, he'd long since lost track of the number of people he knew who had been supposedly been killed and then came back from the dead. Heck, Ox had been died before and gotten better, so there was no reason the other two wouldn't come back through the same revolving door, right?

But where did that leave him? Sitting out here in the middle of the New York night with water streaming through his undergarments. He didn't even like wearing things under the suit. They chafed. But Spider-Woman had insisted after the last time the Avengers had all been captured and stripped that underwear was a requirement for being on the team.

A cane tapped on the rooftop next to him. Spider-Man turned and saw through the blurred vision of his mask a damp red boot perch on the ledge next to him. It's owner loomed over him and “looked” down into the street below.

“Hey Matt, you heard about the robbery too?” he said.

“That Stilt-woman was going to make a try for the jewelers? Yep, my sources say she hasn't been too quiet about it.” Daredevil, the man without fear (known in some less colourful circles as Mathew Murdock, attorney at law) smirked. “I think she's going to get more than she bargained for.”

“Stilt-Woman? I heard it was the Enforcers.” Peter tried to ignore how much Matt was invading his personal space. “And I thought she preferred to be called Stiltman-Woman.”

“I thought the Enforcers were mostly dead.”

“Since when has that stopped anyone in this city?”

“....Point.”

The rain continued to fall.

As they waited the vigilantes passed the time as they often did in these situations with an unspoken game of “Who Can Out Pose the Other?” Daredevil got off to an early lead with his Commander Riker-style “One-Leg-Up-on-the-Ledge-With-Elbow-Resting-on-Knee”, but was soon outmatched by Spider-Man's “Extended-Hamstring-Stretch-While-Looking-Like-He-is-Getting-Ready-to-Pounce-on-an-Unsuspecting-Pigeon”. When you get right down to it, it's hard to win against someone who can pose as well on a vertical surface as most can on a horizontal.

Still, before long the posturing had been abandoned and both where doing their best separate huddles to keep in as body heat as possible.

“How long have you been out here?” sniffed Daredevil.

“About an hour.” Spider-Man wondered how much Daredevil could smell with a runny nose. “I'm beginning to wonder if anyone is actually coming.”

“Or it could all be a fake-out while they break into some other location.”

“Come on Matt, we're either keeping an eye out for a wanna-be circus troupe, or someone who thinks being slightly taller is a super-power. We're not exactly dealing with people who specialize in planning and forethought.”

“Maybe one of their bosses set it up?” Daredevil pondered.

Peter fell a small flash of anger. He was tired, cold, and most importantly wet. “Well look, if you think that's the most likely scenario, you can head out and patrol the city while I stay here.”

“Look, Pete, I'm not saying that. We've both heard that something is going down here. We'll both do our duty make sure everything is OK before calling it a night.” Murdock paused and muttered “There's no need to jump down my throat just because you didn't bring proper wet-weather gear.”

“Just because I don't have super-hearing don't think I didn't hear that!” Spider-Man squatted even lower. “Or that your boots are squelching when you move. I doubt red leather is a lot better in this situation.”

“At least it can be water-proofed.” Daredevil grumbled.

The two of them were still sulking when the hairs on the back of Spider-Man's neck stood on end. His spider sense was buzzing ever so slightly, barely noticeable over the pounding rain. Not an immediate threat, but there was something to watch out for. Daredevil's glower became more pronounced and Spider-Man realized they weren't alone on this roof.

“I have to say, this is a wonderful view. The rain does wonders for both of your backsides.” Felicia Hardy, the off-again/on-again hero known as the Black Cat smiled from under her umbrella. “Very pert. Very shiny. It is one of the advantages to knowing people who spend so much time exercising.”

“What, exactly, are you doing here Cat?” said Spider-Man, looking her up and down, secretly glad his mask hid the action. “The rain coat isn't your normal 'uniform'. And where do you find high-heeled rain boots anyway?”

“These? They're 'Hunter' rain boots. It's amazing what you can find online nowadays, Spider.” said Felicia, picking up one foot and presenting the footwear as if it were some recently claimed prize. “And like I would be jumping from rooftop to rooftop in a catsuit on a night like this. I'd end up looking like a drowned cat.”

“Rat.” said Daredevil, not turning round.

“What...?”

“The expression is drowned rat.”

“You use what you like and I'll use what I like.” said Felicia, her mouth curling somewhat. “*Psht* Rat indeed. You're still just mad that I almost left with that fancy Fantastic Four data drive last time I was over at your place. And I didn't end up taking it, despite what it was worth.”

Felicia wandered over to the edge of the building and looked down. “Anyway, I was strolling along the street below when I looked up and saw my favourite rooftop dwellers leering over the side of a building like a couple of red gargoyles. So I went round the building and climbed up the fire escape to see how they both were doing.” She glanced back at them. “And from the looks of it, they are both well on their way to catching a cold before too long.”

Peter did his best not to snuffle. “We're waiting. We've heard that the Enforcers are planning a break-in tonight.”

“Stilt-Woman” said Daredevil, still without looking up.

“Oh, the Diamond Carrot job? That was last night.”

This got both of the masked vigilantes to swing round and face her. “Wha...?”

“Oh yes. It was Batrock the Leaper, actually. Captain America caught wind of it and foiled it before it even got off the ground. This is straight from the horse's mouth too. Batrock has very loose lips when presented with a pretty face after a couple of glasses of wine. I mean, I know he plays up the French stereotype more than a bit, but these things have to come from somewhere....”

Spider-Man's shoulders sagged. “Matt, what's the date?” he groaned.

“The 6th... no, wait, the 7th because we're well past midnight and... Damn.” Daredevil dropped his face into an open palm. “It was supposed to take place on the 6th, wasn't it?”

Felicia smiled sadly. “Oh loves.” she exhaled as she tilted her umbrella back and the pooling water cascaded the newly created slope. “You are two of the sweetest, most caring, shinning knights in armor I've ever known. My rep as a bad girl is tarnished every time I set eyes on either of you. But you desperately need to learn how to use a calender. Really, just get a modern cell phone. They all have them now.”

She turned and started walking back towards the fire escape. “Besides, if you two get sick, who is going to save us from the next intergalactic invasion or robot revolution or whatever?”

Peter looked up at the sky and sighed. “Fine, fine. That's it. I'm heading home. I need to dry out. And clean my mask.”

Daredevil's head turned round. “Yeah, that sound like a plan. Not much else to do at this point. See you at the Avenger's mansion Thursday?”

“Yeah, I think so. See you then.” and with a *thwip* Spider-Man leapt off the roof, his spinning body sending droplets of water spraying everywhere.

As the two heroes swung off into the night, the Black Cat sighed. She did love them both. And she really wished they would take better care of themselves. That was the problem with a lot of white knights. They never valued themselves as highly as they did others.

Also it was a lot harder to break into jewelers when they were around. Even when you had lifted copies of the keys to the place off a drunk Frenchman.


End file.
